All self-understanding arises from understanding ourselves as spiritual beings, and it is only contact with the universal Holy Spirit that can give us the depth and the breadth to understand ... The way to this is not difficult. It is very simple. But it does require serious commitment.
-John Main, OSB, “Space to Be,” from MOMENT OF CHRIST
Sometimes I simply don't understand myself. I don't understand things that I do, things that I say or things that I think. People driving cars around me brings out this part of me that I don't understand. I get angry with people who drive - especially if they drive too slowly in front of me, try to occupy the same lane I'm occupying or generally do any other sort of stupid driver trick whenever I'm around them. I turn into an angry, seething mess.
I don't understand me.
I'm a nice person, really. I'd do anything for you if you needed it. If one of those drivers who made me mad needed me, I'd be there - bygones being bygones. But, I'm simply short tempered when I sit behind a wheel of a car. I see everyone else as either a proven or a potential idiot.
Which is not to say I'm the smartest driver on the road. I've done plenty of stupid things behind the wheel of a vehicle. I know I'm not the sharpest spike in the road some days and I probably make someone else's proven or potential idiot list plenty of days. But, I don't understand that angry person who takes the wheel most days. I don't get her. Where does it come from? What's my beef with other drivers?
When I get in the car, I guess I lock the Holy Spirit in the trunk - then crank the CD player up so I can't hear all the banging around back there. I'm sure we all have areas of our lives where we disconnect from Spirit - even if it's just for the commute to work. Why do we do that? Why do we disconnect ourselves from the very power that can give us the breadth and depth to understand - even those dark, angry places inside of us.
I've made a vow to give the Holy Spirit the passenger seat whenever I slide back into the car for my next drive. Perhaps I'll lock my angry self in the trunk and H.S. and I can crank it up to 11 and rock to Springsteen on the way home.
Feel free to post your thoughts, prayers and praises!